Reflections

As we neared the Canadian border our conversations became deeper and they often related to how this experience affected us as human beings. When I left for the trip I knew I was in for an adventure and many people told me how life changing it might be, but I was told that before my trip last year and I don’t know if “life changing” are the words I would have used to describe it. Everything we do alters our lives in some way and yes, I returned from South Africa with some new perceptions but I didn’t really feel the way I thought I was supposed to feel. If you can recall from my first post 4 months ago (on the old blog) the PCT was my light at the end of the tunnel. It was a trip much needed at the end of a chaotic and stressful semester but I had no idea how powerful walking in the woods for 3 and half months could be. There were days that I walked and the pain was too much, the task too daunting but I continued to walk. I would walk while bawling my eyes out. I was feeling everything, every emotion with no distraction, no one to hide the tears from. I would cry thinking about what my grandpa would tell me as I took on this adventure, I would cry about mistakes I’ve made, about missing my family, or sometimes because it just outright sucked to be walking. But I laughed 100 times more. I laughed at my clumsiness, I laughed at silly jokes, I laughed at what the trail was throwing our direction, I laughed at the excessive farts, I laughed at the challenges, I laughed at nothing and everything. The both of us laughed long and hard. Looking back, I can’t remember a time where I had more belly aching laughs in such a condensed period of time. The sadness was raw, the joy was raw, and I’ve never felt so human. I don’t like to sound cliché and I think that is my biggest challenge in conveying this experience to people who haven’t spent any extended amount of time on trail. The actual task of walking all day isn’t much fun but it became meditative and reflective. I was alone with myself, alone with my thoughts and I had to learn to control them. Of course I still had interactions throughout the day and they were all so positive. The trail angels were out there helping us because they wanted to not because they had to. The other PCTers were all respectful of one another and had an underlying bond between us as we were all in the same boat. The trail brought people closer to the community, closer to their families and restored faith in humanity.

As I neared the end I thought about how I might answer the question “How was your trip?” and began doing mini interviews when I walked alongside another hiker. These were a few of the responses I got and recorded:

T-Rex (male mid 20s): "the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life"

Banjo (male mid 20s): "crazy. (long pause) just fucking crazy. There’s no way I could make anyone understand it so I’ll just leave it at that”

Echo (male 31): "the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's certainly not for everyone but I would recommend it to anyone"

T-bird (male early 60s): “everyone already thinks I'm crazy but I have a friend that I think put it well...I’m living the life that others only dare to dream of"

Tindy (male late 20s): "a lot of people have asked me if I would recommend it and I would tell them that they should do a few week long trips before they try it out. But I think I would answer that I have loved and hated the trail, sometimes at the same time"

Rant (male veteran early 50s): “fantastically life changing. A total mental reset for me”

Many of these answers turned into long conversations about what the trail meant to them and some were pretty fascinating but too long to record at the end of the day. I wish I was able to interview more people and especially some females but I forgot to ask quite a few times.  After my conversation with Rant, Marissa and I talked about the word “profound”. I wouldn’t say that this experience was profound or spiritual but it was certainly perception altering which in a way is profound. We came to the conclusion that we don’t like the word profound because it implies something big and grand yet the “profound” thoughts we had were small and simple. Sometimes, simplicity carries far more weight than profoundness. When life becomes simplified to eating, walking and sleeping there’s so much more room for consciousness, an actual presence and sense of place. I became attached to everything on my back because it was everything I had. I remember making fun of my mom’s book club for reading a book that was ultimately about cleaning out your house. I wondered why anyone write a book about that, let alone read it. But on the trail it made sense…I got rid of anything that did not bring me joy and I survived happier than ever. I didn’t need to consume constantly. If something broke, I fixed it and kept moving forward. If something was worn and dirty, I rinsed it in a stream and kept going. There’s so much I learned from this experience and I don’t think I could possibly wrap it all up into a blog post but that was my best attempt. So to answer the question…It was incredibly demanding, fulfilling and perception altering.  If you want the full scoop though we may want to sit down for some coffee and I’ll tell you all about it

Trail laughs

No longer contemplating life just contemplating how great apples are